Those are the the pie rates of the Caribbean
Thứ Năm, 10 tháng 1, 2019
A man in the bar offers to bet anyone $100 that his dog can talk.
At first everyone is dubious, but after the man clarifies he means complete grammatically correct sentences, and they make sure there are no hidden devices on the dog, several bets are made.
The man: Well, Charley?
Charley lifts his paw.
The man: Charley, come on, say something.
Charley barks once.
The man: Charley, what is it, now? Say something in English.
Charley clearly doesn't understand what the man wants from him and is getting visibly nervous.
Finally the man has to give up, pays the lost money, and leaves with Charley.
After walking a few blocks in the rain the man asks sadly: "Why did you do that?"
"Just imagine how much we're going to win there tomorrow."
Might be a repost but here is a Joke my dad told me a few years back.
A young boy named Johnny is visiting his grandparents, he and his grandfather are watching a movie while Johnny sits on his lap.
Johnnys grandfather then proceeds to light a cigarette and Johnny asks if he can try. So his grandfather asks:
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No”
“Then you are not old enough to try”
Later the same scenario happens but it is with a beer instead, when Johnny asks if he can try the same question was asked:
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No”
“Then you are not old enough to try”
A few hours later Johnny comes back in with a couple cookies that his grandmother made for him, his grandfather asks if he can have one and Johnny replies with:
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
The grandfather smiles and proudly answers:
“Yes, in fact it does”
“Good, then you can go fuck yourself because grandma made these for me!”
A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."
"What happened?" The father asks.
"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'
"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''
The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?"
"Not yet."
"Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also."
"Why?" asks the father.
"Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my cock??'"
"Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come."
The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet."
"Don't bother, I got expelled."
Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?"
"Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher."
"The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
Tim asked his bitcoin investing brother
For $10 worth of bitcoin
B: $9.34? Why do you need $10.35 of bitcoin?
T: I just want to start investing for college?
B: Ok, I just sent you $24.39 of bitcoin for you.
T: Thanks! Why did you give me more than I asked you for?
B: I gave you $15.43, just like you asked.
T: Okay, hopefully my $13.86 price will go up.
B: No problem, Timmy. $4.31 isn't that much for me.
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