Did you know that on the Canary Islands, there is not one canary...

... And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing. Not one canary there either.

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If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

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When I was a teen I was addicted to masturbation and as I grew older I become a sex addict.

In retrospect, I think my addiction just got out of hand.

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Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

Jesus asks for a table for 26.

The head waiter says, “But there’s only 13 of you.”

Jesus says, “Yeah, but we’re all going to sit on the same side.”

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A Blonde Joke

Two ladies, blonde and a brunette, meet up for lunch. The Brunette tells the blonde that she just had sex with a Brazilian. The Blonde excitedly exclaims, "Oh my god! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

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Men think about sex every 7 seconds...

Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds... So it doesn't get weird.

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How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They only talk about change.

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