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Thứ Ba, 29 tháng 1, 2019

How do you say good bye to two hundred thousand Indonesians?

A big wave.

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What do you want to see?”

Me: You pick.

Her: You pick.

Me: I don’t care which movie. You pick.

Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.

Last Name Only

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.

“What’s your name?” he asked the new guy.

“John,” the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, “Look... I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by his or her first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker .… That’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what’s your last name?”

The new guy sighed, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

“Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .”

My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together.

At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!

I just downloaded the Bohemian Rhapsody movie.

I think it was filmed in a movie theater, though - I see a little silhouetto of a man.

A sexy woman sits down next to a guy drinking alone at a bar

She whispers, "You look like you could use a little fun. For $100, I'll do anything you ask me to in three words or less."

The man takes a drink of his beer, then takes out $100 and says, "Paint my house."

What do you call a masturbating Vegan?

A WeedWhacker (sorry if it’s awful first time on this sub)