Funny Story

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Thứ Tư, 30 tháng 1, 2019

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont think twice..

Call a girl fat once and she’ll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

Only Anti-Vaxxers will get this

Measels

Balls..

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, but the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah, Señor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A real delicacy!"

The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry, Señor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Señor. Sometimes the bull wins."

Thứ Ba, 29 tháng 1, 2019

Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf

I haven’t heard from him since.

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

“How much to buy a singing ensemble?”

PRODUCER: You mean a choir?

“Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble?”

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.