I walked in on my Grandma sucking grandads dick last night...

I dont know why it wasn't cremated with the rest of him?

Read More

The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels

Now you know who the best people are

Read More

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

Read More

I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of weed and read the dictionary.

High definition.

Read More

A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they settled into their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over and asked, “Are all of those kids yours?” He replied, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.”

Read More

If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

Read More

Thanos seems a lot like a pessimist to me

Y'know, the 'universe half empty' kind of guy

Read More