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Thứ Sáu, 8 tháng 2, 2019

A Swamp Divided: How Trump's Arrival Turned D.C. Nightlife Upside Down


A Swamp Divided: How Trump's Arrival Turned D.C. Nightlife Upside Down
"Trump doesn't need to build a wall; he's built one here."

February 7, 2019 at 10:36PM
via Digg http://bit.ly/2Bl6WkD

A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money...

So I drew him a map to my ex-wife’s house.

One day, God met with Adam in the garden of Eden

"Hey Adam, I have two new organs for you," said god

"What are they?" Adam Replied

"Well," said God, "We have a brain, which will let you make intelligent decisions and hold conversations with Eve."

"That's Great!" Adam said, "What's the other one?"

"That would be a penis," God replied, "It will let you make offspring to populate the Earth. However, there is one downside."

Adam asked, "What is it?"

"Well, I only have enough blood to let you use one at a time."

I have a fear of over-designed buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two rednecks survived the
crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"

Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

I never forget my sons first words...

"Where the fuck have you been for 16 years"

My wife told me to stop singing "I'm a believer" or she'd kill me. I thought she was joking...

...and then I saw her face...