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Thứ Bảy, 9 tháng 2, 2019

A woman is having an affair while her husband is at work

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "It's dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

The boy says "I have a baseball."

The man says "That's nice."

Boy asks "Want to buy it?"

Man replies "No, thanks."

Boy says "My dad's outside."

Man "okay, how much?"

Boy "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy "Its dark in here."

Man "Yes, it is."

Boy "I have a baseball glove."

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy "$750?

Man "fine"

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy ~ "$1,000?"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost."

"I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "It's dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."

Two termites walk into a bar and ask

Is the bar tender here?

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”

The father responded, "Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.

Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, "How about if we play for $10,000 a hole?" Tiger insists he couldn't possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap.

But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger until Tiger finally relents. Stevie says, "You pick the place and I'll pick the time?"

Tiger says, "Fine. Pebble Beach."

Stevie replies, "Midnight!"

The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

The Making of the Cranberries’ Haunted Farewell


The Making of the Cranberries’ Haunted Farewell
Dolores O'Riordan's band and family talk about her troubled last days, the songs she left behind and the creation of the band's final album, "In the End."

February 8, 2019 at 09:04AM
via Digg http://bit.ly/2SCneQe

When I tell women about my 12” donkey dick...

They’re like “ooh I want to see it”

But when I take it out of the freezer, they’re all “I have to be going.”