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Thứ Năm, 14 tháng 2, 2019

3 rednecks were working on a cell tower...

Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.'

Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'

'Cooter's wife gave it to me,'

'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow." '

She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'

Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

Day 284 without sex...

Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"

I replied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

“Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

Waitress: [slaps me a good one across the face] ...“The men I please are none of your damn business!”

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”

The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”

“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.

The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said.

“I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”

Sex is like a poorly explained joke.

I don't get it.