She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."...
Thứ Hai, 18 tháng 2, 2019
Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.
Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."
Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."
The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the husband drives it 300 yards, dead center. The wife tries it and slices it right into a huge window of a huge house on the side of the course.
Husband says "ah shit. Ok let's go pay for this window
The couple arrives at the front door of the broken window house and rings the doorbell....
Two women were fighting bitterly for the last seat on a bus...
The conductor tried to intervene but it was no use.
Finally, from up the front, the driver said, “Just let the ugly one have it!”
Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip....
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.
He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines" said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines."...
Chủ Nhật, 17 tháng 2, 2019
The Pope dies and arrives in Heaven
St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: "I am the pope."
St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."
The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."
St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."
The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."
St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."
God:...
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