A man is washing his car with his son.

His son looks at him and says,

“Dad...Why can’t you use a sponge?”

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I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse.

I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.

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My friend told me she doesn't like Roman Numerals because you can't make puns from them.

I told her, I for one, like Roman Numerals.

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What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the painting.

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Bubba

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.

"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

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Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more bean would be too farty.

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R Kelly is really changing the rap game

He takes the art out of rap artist

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