My buddy jokingly asked me, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related?"

I said, "No man, that would just make us even."

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Today I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she’d ever been with.

She said yes.

All the others have been eights or nines.

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My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague.

I said, “Don’t cry over skilled milf.”

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I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet...

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.

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A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!'

'Mmm?'

'Not that many!'

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Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: Stares at Dad

Dad: Clenches fist

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: Sweats Profusely

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

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“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.”

Son: Dad, you were a helicopter mechanic.

Dad: Never said I was a good one.

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