My girlfriend and I began having sex at 1:58AM this morning and didn't stop until 3:01AM.

Thanks daylight savings!

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Hooters

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why Hooters?"

"They have those servers with the beautiful bosoms, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs."

"You're on."

At age 42, they meet and play golf again.

"Where you wanna go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

"Again?  Why?"

"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."

"OK."

At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"

"Hooters.

"Why?"

"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."

"OK."

At age 62 they meet again.

After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."

"Good choice"

At age 72 they meet again.

Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."

"Great choice."

At age 82 they meet and play again.  "Where should we go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Because we've never been there before."

"Okay."

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I asked my wife if she would wear gloves if she had no hands? She said - ermmm nooo..

Then why are you wearing a bra?

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Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”

“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

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How many Brexiteers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only two: One to promise a bright future and another one to screw it up.

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A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,

a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.

She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."

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The bouncer said to me, “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

I said, “Why?” He replied, “I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline.”

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