What do Bruce Lee and the Donkey from Shrek have in common?

They have both entered the dragon.

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I will always remember my grandpa’s last words.

“Hey! Stop shaking the ladder you little shit!”

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A while back, my father told me an awful dad joke.

He said he'd be right back

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A little boy asks grandpa to make a noise like a frog. Grandpa asks why?

Because mummy said the moment you croak is when we're all going to Disneyland!

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Making love for the first time

Before my girlfriend and i made love for the first time, she said, "i want this night to be magical"

so after we made love

i disappeared

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Cheating Wives

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. He waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her, he found out she was working in a whore house.

The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?"

The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?"

The guy replies that all the cabbie has to do is go inside the whore house, grab his wife, put her in the back of the cab, and take them home.

The cabbie goes in. A couple of minutes later, the whore house door gets kicked open, and the cabbie starts dragging out this woman who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.

The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here! Hold her!"

The man looks down at the girl and yells to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE!"

The cabbie replied, "I KNOW. IT'S MINE... I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!"

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I love dry erase boards.

They're remarkable.

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