Christchurch shooting: multiple fatalities after mass shooting at two mosques – live updates

Christchurch shooting: multiple fatalities after mass shooting at two mosques – live updates
Three people in custody over mass shootings that also left 20 people seriously injured.

March 15, 2019 at 06:59PM
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Today just shocked my whole life

First i find out im adopted, then I found out that both of my dads are gay.

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Walking through the forest, an atheist hears a rustling in the bushes. Turning, he sees a massive grizzly charging towards him!

He runs as fast as he can but trips over a stump and falls. As the bear raises a huge paw to strike, the atheist screams: "God! Help me!"

Time freezes. The bear becomes immobile, the forest is silent, and the river stops running. Then the atheist hears a powerful voice: "You have denied my existence for years, taught others I don’t exist and credited my creation to a cosmic accident. Why should I help you?"

"It would be hypocritical to ask you to show mercy on me," the atheist agrees. "But perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

At that, the noise of the forest resumes, the river runs, and the bear drops to its knees, brings its paws together, and says, "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."

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A man with authority walks into a bar..

He orders everyone a round.

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The CIA,The FBI and the KGB

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits don’t exist.

The FBI goes in next. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest to the ground, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. That rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in last. They come out a few hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

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Three guys die...

and Saint Peter stops them at the Golden Gates. He tells them, "Depending how faithful you were to your wife, depends what kind of car you drive across the Golden Bridge to heaven."

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First guy says, "I was married 10 years and only cheated three times."

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Saint Peter says, "That's ok I suppose, here take this older model pick-up truck."

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Second guy says, "I was married 15 years and only cheated once!"

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Saint Peter says, "Pretty great, here take this sports car."

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Third guy says, "I was married 40 years and never cheated on my wife."

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Saint Peter says, "Wow that's the best I've ever heard! Here, take this Golden Edition Rolls-Royce."

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The three guys start across the bridge and the Rolls takes off and leaves them. About half way across, the other two guys find the Rolls pulled over with his head on the steering wheel. They stop and walk over.

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First guy says, "Come on man, being dead isn't so bad."

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Second guy says, "Yeah, look what you're driving, and look what we're driving."

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Third guy says, "No guys, you don't get it, I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard!"

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Don't Stop

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”

“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man.”

When the Englishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?” “Once,” he replied.

Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted.
“And what did she say to you this morning?”

“Don’t stop.”

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