A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Read More

You hear about the wizard that dropped out of Hogwarts?

He couldn’t spell.

Edit: J. K. Rowling has just notified me that this wizard was also gay. I’m not sure why that was relevant & I though the joke was good on its own, but she really wanted to clarify.

Read More

I put root beer in a square glass

Now I just have beer

Read More

If I saw a man in a suit, jump into a phone booth and then Superman jump out. I’d be like “Holy shit!”

A fucking phone booth!

Read More

A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he’s an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.

“I don’t think I am.” the horse replies.

poof

The horse disappears.

This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they’re familiar with the philosophical proposition of “Cogito Ergo Sum”, or “I think, therefore I am”.

But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

Read More

Inside The Mind Of A Hurricane Chaser

Inside The Mind Of A Hurricane Chaser
Josh Morgerman is an obsessive stormchaser. As hurricanes grow fiercer and more destructive, what does it mean to be someone who loves them?

April 1, 2019 at 09:07PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2YD8wIJ

Read More

Mom got a sex change operation

After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a sex change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.

That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.

"Did you seriously just have a sex change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.

He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."

Read More