Woman responds, "No, Your Honor. First a Gibson, then a Fender."
I just heard this one, so sorry if it's a repeat.
Thứ Bảy, 27 tháng 4, 2019
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no! Not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
Edit. What did he name the boy, not she.
I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.
My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."
The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"
Wanting to save face I quickly replied, "No, Father, that's the name of that fish. It's a Sonofabitch fish."
The priest was relieved and we began walking back to the rectory and a nun met us at the door. The priest greeted her and said, "Check out the Sonofabitch I just caught."
The nun, shocked, exclaimed, "Father, never in my life-"
The priest interrupted her and said, "No, Sister, that's the name. It's a Sonofabitch fish.
The nun was relieved and took the fish to be gutted. After gutting the fish, she brought it out back where the Deacon was heating up the grill. The nun said, "Deacon, here, I gutted this Sonofabitch for you."
The Deacon, shaking his head, said, "Sister, that language is unbecoming."
The nun replied, "No Deacon, that's the name. It's a Sonofabitch fish."
The Deacon shrugged it off and said, "Alright, I'll put it on the grill. The Bishop is coming over for dinner and he loves seafood."
When the Bishop arrived we all sat down at the table. The priest brings out the cooked fish and says, "I caught this Sonofabitch myself."
"And I gutted this Sonofabitch."
"And I grilled this Sonofabitch."
The Bishop looked around. He took his hat off, leaned in and said,
"Now you motherfuckers are my kind of people."
Thứ Sáu, 26 tháng 4, 2019
***WARNING: ENDGAME SPOILERS***
Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going down at my place tomorrow night. Hit me up if you're interested.
Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is
The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"
The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent!"
The civil engineer says "No, you're both wrong. Who else but a civil engineer would run a sewer line trough a recreational area?"
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