I told her "Choose one, I can't do both."
Thứ Tư, 1 tháng 5, 2019
Bob's wife was very mad at him for forgetting their anniversary...
At this point, she had enough of Bob's shit. "When I wake up tomorrow, I expect to see something shiny and silver that can go from 0-300 in under 4 seconds!" said the wife.
When she awoke the next morning, to her surprise she noticed a box with a bow in the garage. When she opened it she found a nice shiny silver bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
The Haunting Legacy Of The Perfect 'SimCity 3000' Game
The Haunting Legacy Of The Perfect 'SimCity 3000' Game
In 2010, some random guy on the internet achieved gaming perfection. Vincent Ocasla painstakingly designed a city so complex and densely populated that it rendered all future attempts at "SimCity" pointless. It was beautiful and horrifying.
May 1, 2019 at 01:29AM
via Digg http://bit.ly/2PJ1iz2
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I've seen this five times on r/jokes in the last three days’.
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