“Do you have a book about the discrimination of dwarves?”
“Left corner, on the top shelf!”
Chủ Nhật, 5 tháng 5, 2019
An Irishman, a Scotsman and an Englishman walk into a bathroom
The Englishman takes a piss, and wipes his hands very thoroughly with 7 squares of toilet paper, while loudly proclaiming that "In England, we always do our job extremely thoroughly"
The Scotsman takes a piss, and wipes his hand with just one square of toilet paper, using every square inch of the paper, while loudly proclaiming that "In Scotland, not only do we do our job thoroughly, but also efficiently"
The Irishman takes a piss, and walks right out while loudly proclaiming "In Ireland, we don't piss on our fucking hands"
Thứ Bảy, 4 tháng 5, 2019
A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.
The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."
The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."
The blonde says,"I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.''
[It is my first time writing a joke. All my previous jokes were Ctrl+C Ctrl+V. So don't go mad at me.]
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am."
The man replies "Well wash your f#cking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break.
The first guy says “If I get a Marmite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.”
The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”.
The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.”
The next day the first guy gets a Marmite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die.
The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.”
The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.”
The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”
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