It was a third degree burn.
Thứ Tư, 8 tháng 5, 2019
An English and an Irish farmer are arguing at their fence over Politics when along comes a chicken and lays an egg right on the fence boundary.
The English farmer exclaims "It's my egg, because it's my Chicken", and the Irish farmer replies with "Well, the egg is mostly on my side of the fence, so it's mine". They argue back and forth about an hour, until the Irish farmer comes up with a solution.
"To see who the strongest farmer is, we'll have a competition. The winner keeps the egg". The English farmer - convinced he's the strongest - wants to know more. The Irish farmer says "We'll kick each other in the balls as hard as we can, and whoever is standing at the end gets to keep the egg". The English farmer is a bit perplexed, but accepts - because he knows he's absolutely going to win. The Irish farmer says "I'll go first".
He takes 5 steps back, gets a running start and kicks the English farmer so hard he falls to the ground screaming in agony for 5 minutes. When he gets back up, the English farmer with tears in his eyes says "My turn, I'll show you what a REAL kick in the balls feels like".
And the Irish farmer smiles, winks, and says "You're alright, it's only an egg. Keep it".
Thứ Ba, 7 tháng 5, 2019
Two friends meet at a bar and start talking
Two friends meet at a bar and start talking:
- Yesterday my girlfriend came to me and told me she is pregnant.
- Really? What did you say?
- Nothing. I cried.
- Really? Why?
- Because I know what it means to grow up without a father.
A drunk man walks up to the bartender
A drunk man walks up to the bartender and asks for a drink.
The bartender tells him, “No way man. You’re already hammered and your tab comes out at over $200.”
The man responds, “Please I’ll do anything. I’m having really bad withdrawals I just need a beer or two.”
“Really? Anything? I’ll tell you what, I might actually have something for you. I’ve got three jobs that need to be done. You do them, and I’ll clear your tab and give you a few drinks on the house,” says the bartender.
“You got it!” the man exclaims.
The bartender points to the corner and says, “See that big Somoan guy over there? He’s been here for hours and is bothering everyone. I need you to get him out over here. Next, I have my pitbull in the back room and he has a terrible toothache. I need you to pull it out. And finally, down the hall, to the right, there’s a hooker. She has never had an orgasm in her life. I need you to give her one.”
“That’s it? I’ll do it,” replies the man.
He walks over to the Somoan guy in the corner of the bar and knocks him out clean with one punch. He feels satisfied and returns to the bartender.
“I took care of the Somoan guy,” he says.
“Great. Next the pitbull,” says the bartender.
He goes into the back room and the pitbull is pissed off. From outside the room, barking and growling can be heard. For ten minutes, sounds of difficulty and whimpering are produced.
Finally, the man comes out and returns to the bartender.
He says, “Okay, where is that hooker that needs her tooth pulled?”
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