The bill was huge!
Thứ Sáu, 10 tháng 5, 2019
Dad given advice to his son "if you're hiking and a 9 foot grizzly rears up, you just"
"reach back, grab a handful of shit and throw it in the bear's eyes. Then run."
Son "Where do you get the shit from?"
"Trust me, it'll be there."
Bad Dad Panda Joke
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."
(lol i'm sorry for this bad joke but i laugh everytime i think about how hard my father laughed when he told me. Even laughing at himself struggling to tell it to me again many years later RIP Dad)
My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000
The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.
An 8-year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take Your Kid to Work Day'.
An 8-year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take Your Kid to Work Day'. As they were walking around the office, the young girl starting crying and getting very cranky, her father asked what was wrong with her.
As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?
Selfies Don't Kill People
Selfies Don't Kill People
And no place has ever been ruined by an Instagram post, either. It's time to stop blaming social media for the world's troubles.
May 9, 2019 at 07:07PM
via Digg http://bit.ly/2LuCn3C
A Nazi walks into a bar..
A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table. Barman, he says, "A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there."
As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a nasty little smile. Surprisingly the Jew nods his head and sends a warm smile back. The Nazi is somewhat miffed, as this was not the reaction he expected. So he goes back to the bar.
"Barman, a second round for everyone but him, and this time take it all from the top shelf" Nazi looks again at the Jew, and notices that he is STILL smiling back, and even warmer than before
"Is that Jew a complete fool or what?" he asks the barman Bartender responds: "Oh no my generous friend, that gentleman is my boss and the owner of the bar"
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