Edit: four children
Second edit: 2 children!
Chủ Nhật, 19 tháng 5, 2019
Guy Singing Evanescence's 'Bring Me to Life' Takes The Snapchat Gender Swap Filter To The Next Level
Guy Singing Evanescence's 'Bring Me to Life' Takes The Snapchat Gender Swap Filter To The Next Level
Scott Hubbard does the performance of a lifetime with his phone.
May 19, 2019 at 12:54AM
via Digg http://bit.ly/2WL4SeB
The auditor goes to the synagogue
The auditor is on a fining spree; he went through his list and every business in town got fined for irregularities. He checks is list
done
done
done
not yet done
"What's that?" he thinks. He reads: synagogue. "I'll go there NOW"
The rabbi and all the administrators are extremely meticulous and precise; he checks everything, all the accounts and invoices and everything is flawlessly registered. There's really nothing to fine there.
He starts going out, quite disappointed, when he notices a small box.
"What's in that box?" he asks
"ah, you see sir, in our rites we use candles. We tend to spare, and at the end of the rite we collect the melted wax, and we put it in that small box. At the end of the year we send it to the candle factory, they melt everything together and they send us back four candles for free, which we use again for our rites."
The auditor wants to check. Well, the rabbi has EVERYTHING registered: the number of candles, the weight of the wax, ... there's really nothing to fine.
He starts walking through the door, even more disappointed, but there's another small box:
"what's in that box?" he asks
"ah, you see sir, in our rites we use wine. And at the end of the rites we collect all the corks, and we put them in that small box. At the end of the year we send it to the corks factory, and they send us back four corks for free, which we use again for our wine bottles."
The auditor think "this time I got you". But again, the rabbi has really EVERYTHING registered: the number of bottles, the number of corks, the weight of the corks, ... there's really really nothing to justify a fine.
He is morally destroyed, feeling like a failure. He is already on the street, and then a thought flashes in his mind:
"But Rabbi!" he asks "do you still do circumcisions here?"
"Yes". Gotcha:
"And what to you do with the leftover skin?"
The rabbi points to a wooden box:
"Yeah, we put them all together in that box, which once a year we ship to the auditing company, and they send us a dickhead"
A naive and beautiful young girl is walking along the street in the countryside.
A naive, beautiful, conservatively dressed young girl is walking along the street in the countryside.
A man, wearing sunglasses and driving a sport car stops by:
"do you need a lift?"
She's intimidated by the sport car and the confident demeanour of this man, but she accepts, and they start getting to know each other.
"it's very nice that you pick me up in such a car. it's a long way home from here"
"it's a pleasure babe".
"what do you do?" she asks
"I'm a DJ and speaker at the radio" he answers.
She's delighted: "oh really? It's so cool. I always listen to the radio. Do you also have those show with song requests for birthdays?"
"yes, I do those kind of shows, we receive song requests for birthdays. Have you ever tried?"
Embarrassing silence follows. Somethings is in her head, and she gains courage to say it:
"well you see... I always wanted to call and request a song, but I heard it's always hard to get a place, there's a lot of people requesting... and I sort of don't know how this kind of things work, maybe I have to speak live and then don't know what to say. But I always wanted to do it... today is also my little sister's birthday..."
"well, babe, we could change this, don't you think? She'd be very happy, and you too" wink wink
He starts to sort of take a long route, apparently driving where no one can see, his intentions are clear.
"where are we going?"
"you see, babe, you could do something for me, and maybe I could get you a fast lane to do what you want for your sister's birthday..."
She starts getting it, but she is not sure, the situation is so intimidating, but also exciting, and she sort of want to do it - for her dear sister.
He parks the car in the middle of nowhere, stops the engine, and starts unzipping his jeans. She is scared, doesn't know what to do, it's all so new.
"what worries you, babe?"
"Well you see I've never done this sort of things, I'm embarrassed, I'm just a girl from the countryside, I... I don't really know if..."
He knows his way in reassuring a scared woman: "don't worry babe, you'll be fine, there's nothing you can do wrong, just be yourself. Think of your sister. you'll make her day"
He proceeds to take his genitals out. She freaks out internally, but thinks to herself "whatever, I'll do it for her". She looks into his eyes, he looks into her eyes, reassuring and firm. She starts to get her mouth close to his penis. She opens her mouth:
"Hello, I want to dedicate the next song to my sister for her birthday, it's a very special day and I love her with all my heart and ..."
A man loses his job and REALLY needs money.
He is walking on the sidewalk when a demon from hell appears. The demon says “I will give you $100,000, but you must give me your wife.”
The man ponders the offer for a few seconds, then says “Okay, what’s the catch?”
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)