He replied
Thứ Tư, 29 tháng 5, 2019
“Wait a minute! You have been cheating on me all this time!”, my wife yelled at me as she found all the letters I had been hiding.
I felt cornered and prepared myself to face her fury, as she got red with anger and started walking towards me. She looked straight into my eyes and gave me a killer look I could never forget.
And kids, that’s the last time I played scrabble with her!
Three sailors are discussing their cargo
They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.
"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.
"I'll never be able to live it down" says the second.
"Let's tell the captain that we've decided not to go" says the third.
Headstrong they head to the captains quarters to voice their displeasure and inform him of their decision.
The captain hears them out but ultimately disagrees and informs them that they'll be going ahead with the journey.
"But we've got you outvoted 3 to 1" the sailors cried in unison.
"You fools" said the captain "you're all forgetting one thing!"
"What's that?" Exclaimed the sailors.
The captain stood tall and addressed them powerfully.
"That this isn't a democracy..."
"It's a dick tater ship!"
There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman
Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".
He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could satisfy herself. He looks around but finds nothing.
The cashier comes to him and asks him what he wants, to which the man tells him his problem. "I have a special toy just for you" the cashier tells the man. They both go to the back room and the cashier pulls out a black velvet box. He opens it and there's a golden dildo inside it.
"What's so special about this?" asks the man. "Check this out" replies the cashier and says "Voodoo Dildo, the door". The golden dildo rises from its black velvet box and starts furiously humping the door till it breaks. The cashier then says "Voodoo Dildo, the box" and the golden dildo flies back into the box and he closes it.
The man thoroughly impressed buys it and goes to his girlfriend. He says "Honey, I'm going away for 3 weeks for work. If you ever feel horny, just open this box and say these words that I've written down".
A couple of weeks pass and the girlfriend gets really horny. She suddenly remembers what her boyfriend and told her. So she goes to the drawer and opens the black velvet box and reads out the following phrase "Voodoo Dildo, my vagina". The golden dildo rises from the box and starts humping her.
After a while, having had a few orgasms, she's tired and wants to sleep. She tries to pull it out but she's not able to. She then realizes that her boyfriend hadn't told her the words to stop it. So, she decides to go to the hospital and get it surgically removed. She somehow wears her gown and gets to her car.
Obviously in a state of panic, arousal and pain, she's unable to drive the car properly and starts swerving. Seeing a reckless driver, a police officer soon catches up to her and makes her stop. As he comes to the window he sees this woman who's sweating and panting and there's water everywhere.
"Are you drunk?" asks the officer. "No no officer, I'm perfectly sober" replies the woman.
"Then what's the problem ma'am?" asks the officer. The woman embarrassedly tells him "I have a Voodoo Dildo stuck inside me. I'm going to the hospital to get it surgically removed".
"Yeah right" replies the officer, not believing a word, "Voodoo Dildo my ass"
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was the captain's parrot, after all.
One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.
After a week the parrot finally said: "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"
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