How do you make a time travel joke?
Thứ Năm, 30 tháng 5, 2019
Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.
Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.
He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.
The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'
Joe was shocked and depressed.He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery cost him $15,000.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a Men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new Suit.'
He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new Suit.'
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.
Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, 'How about a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The tailor eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the tailor asked, 'How about some new Underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure..'
The tailor said, 'Let's see..... size 36.
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old..'
The tailor shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your Testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a Headache.'
A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party
They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
"I can't be with you because I M24 and you AR15"
A man walks into a church and sits in the confession booth. He says to the priest,
"forgive me father, for I have sinned. I was golfing yesterday and I cursed"
The priest asks, "Would you like to tell me about it?"
"Well," the guy says. "I was on the seventeenth hole, and I had just hit my best drive of the day. It was straight ahead, middle of the fairway, perfect vision of the flag. Must've been at least 250 yards, which was an incredible drive for me. Feeling pretty good about that hit, I walked toward my ball but as I got within 15 yards of it, a squirrel ran out of the forest and grabbed my ball."
And the priest interrupts "So is that when you cursed?"
The man replies, "No father, not yet. You see, as the squirrel was running away, it was actually moving me closer to the green and giving me a better shot. But then, out of nowhere, a hawk swooped down and picked up the squirrel, ball and all."
"Ah, now I see," the priest says. "You cursed then."
"No father, this was not when I cursed. The hawk started flying over the green, and by some miracle, maybe an act of God, the squirrel let my ball drop right over the green. It landed and rolled within 5 feet of the hole."
And the priest says, "Don't tell me you missed the fucking putt"
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