When you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils.

They dilate.

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Does my girlfriend have a cock?

Something inside me says yes

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My son was mad at me today, and said "I wish my dad was dead!"

My son was mad at me today, and said "I wish my dad was dead!" The sky went dark and there was a loud crack of thunder that freaked me out. But then nothing happened, so we went home.

My wife was home, and she was very upset. Her personal trainer had been killed by lightning.

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My wife is really mad at the fact I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.

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I'm really worried about my parrot. He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life".

my wife is too selfish to notice. She's always crying.

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First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,

"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.

Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now, "LEARN TO PAY ATTENTION!"

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To whoever invented autocorrect...

...there's a special place in hello for you.

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