But none of them work
Chủ Nhật, 2 tháng 6, 2019
An old Russian man wants to visit his old friend in Germany.
An old Russian man remembers a good friend he had in east Germany, and he decides he should go check up. He doesn't have enough money for a plane, however, so he decides he will drive. The next morning he and his wife get into their car and start driving. Several hours go by on the empty road and after a while, they reach the Latvian border. A man stops them and asks for passports. He asks in broken Russian “your names?”
The man responds “I am Ivan, this is my wife Tanya. we are travelling to Germany”
“Excellent. And what is your work?”
“I manufacture vodka”
“Looks good sir, you may go”
Several more hours pass and they make it to the Lithuanian border. The guard stops them and asks
“Your names?”
“I am Ivan and this is my wife Tanya. we are Russians traveling to Germany”
“Gine. Profession?”
“I manufacture Vodka”
“Looks good sir, you may pass”
They drive for another few hours, until late at night they make it to the Polish border. The guard asks for the passports, and says
“What are your names?”
“I am Ivan and this is my wife Tanya. We are Russians.”
“Occupation?”
“No, just passing through this time.”
A burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
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