I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer

Me: "Ok, this isn't working out"

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Why should you never fight a dinosaur?

You'll get jurasskicked!

Sorry if its lame but my niece just told it and i fell laughing

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Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try...

...my fucking goldfish died.

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I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

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Nice try, people named Tristan.

Or should I say Stan Stan Stan

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I got my tattoo artist to write “Tattoo artists are stupid” on my back.

I thought I got him pretty good until I realized the joke was on me.

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How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't know, the baby boomer that has the job now can't retire because they never saved anything and millennials all have LED lights that last longer.

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