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Thứ Tư, 3 tháng 7, 2019

Another Dead Cyclist In The City


Another Dead Cyclist In The City
The driver continued for a few blocks, until someone ran him down and got him to return to the scene. He said he never saw the cyclist he just struck with his truck. NYPD issued him five citations, all related to truck maintenance, and let him go with a conciliatory pat on the shoulder. Presumably, he went and finished his deliveries.

July 2, 2019 at 07:51AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2Xqcg3C

Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm

"You're a blizzard, Harry"

Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on.

The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste", and rides him. The second nurse does the same.

The third nurse hesitates and explains she is on her period, but decides to ride him anyways.

All of a sudden the man sits up and and the nurses apologize explaining how that thought he was dead.

The man replies: "I was, but after two jumpstarts and a blood transfusion I feel fucking great.

Never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.

The husband climbed out of bed and counted. One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right.

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax Spray n’ Wipe, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

Thứ Ba, 2 tháng 7, 2019

What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral?

There‘s one less drunk.