On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.
Chủ Nhật, 7 tháng 7, 2019
Thứ Bảy, 6 tháng 7, 2019
New Harley-Davidson
A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike, the dealer asks if he would like some extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he does not have the extra money, and is now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet.
The dealer tells him not to worry. There is an old biker trick that will keep the chrome like new. All he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains - and everything will be fine. The young man happily pays for the bike and leaves.
A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointment time, he picks her up on his new Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up, so he reaches over and kisses the woman in front of her family. And no one says a word....... Next he decides to take a more direct approach, so he throws her on the table and makes love to her in front of everyone. And no one says a word..... Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder relations. Yet no one says a word..... By now he is getting very worried and is thinking what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance.
His first thought is to protect the chrome on his new Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline. And the father says
"Never mind! I'll do the dishes!"
Courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?
Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.
A man is walking home late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
BUMP!… BUMP!… BUMP!…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP!… BUMP!… BUMP!…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER… FASTER…
BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping...
Clappity-BUMP… Clappity-BUMP… Clappity-BUMP…
…on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…
and...
The coffin stops.
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