I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about....
Thứ Năm, 11 tháng 7, 2019
A boy come home from school and says "Guess what mom? I had sex with my teacher today!"
The mother is furious, frustrated, and mortified all at once and scream to her son:
"GO TO YOUR ROOM!! YOUR FATHER WILL DEAL WITH YOU WHEN HE COMES HOME!!!"
So after a short dinner, and a long conversation, the boy hears his dad thumping down the hallway to his room. The father opens the door, and says with a stern voice:
"Your mother told me about your day at school... I can't tell you how deeply, seriously, and truly PROUD I AM OF YOU!! HIGH FIVE BUD! For you to get it in, at your age, with a teacher?! I love that my young man's a STUD! To celebrate...
"Mommy, why did you name me Rose ?"
Mom : "Because when you were born and we were taking you out of the hospital , a rose petal landed on your head , so we named you rose."
Kid 1:"Is that why my little brothers name is leaf?"
Mom:"Yes, it is."
Kid 3:"Blaaarggghhhh-Boooodaghe-Beeebldee"
Mom:"Shut up brick."...
I was getting a prostate exam and it hurt like hell.
I asked “doc, could you take off your ring?”
He said “that’s not my ring, that’s my watch.”...
A man goes to a bank and asks to deposit $5,000 into his account.
The next day, he comes back and deposits $10,000. The next day, he comes back and deposits $7,500. As he walks out, the banker asks him how he gets so much money in a day. The man walks up to him and whispers, “I make bets with people.” The banker tells him, “How do you make so much?” The man says, “Here, I bet $50 you have a birthmark on your ass.” The banker says no, but the man wants proof. The banker pulls down his pants and shows him that there is no birthmark, but the man is still smiling. The banker asks why. The man says, “Because I bet...
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