We are going on vacation somewhere else next year.
Thứ Ba, 16 tháng 7, 2019
Handjobs [nsfw]
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburger: $5
Fries: $3
Handjobs: $10."
He walks up to the window and there is a beautiful blonde working behind the counter.
"Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" he asks, handing her ten dollars.
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want two cheeseburgers."
A Boy worked in the produce section of the supermarket
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man was persistent. The boy said he’d go ask his manager what to do.
He walked into the back room and said, “There’s some jerk out there who wants to buy only half a head of lettuce.”
As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, “So he added, “And this gentleman wants to buy the other half,”
The manager okayed the deal. Later the manager said to the boy, “You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and we like that around here. Where’re you from, son?”
The boy replied, “Minnesota, sir”.
“Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota?” asked the manager.
The boy replied, “There all just whores and hockey players up there.”
“My wife is from Minnesota,” the manager said.
The boy replied, “Really!? What team did she play for?”
Divorcing parents
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!” She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'
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