What's the difference between Jesus and a portrait of Jesus ?

The portrait only requires one nail.

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My wife just tried to cut off my penis.

Luckily she missed and the cops charged her with a misdewiener.

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As a child I had a medical condition where I had to eat dirt 3 times a day in order to survive

Luckily my older brother told me about it

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What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?

“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”

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I never understood school shooting jokes.

I guess they are just aimed at a younger audience.

Found on r/cursedcomments

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Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?

Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

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What would happen if Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US?

He’d be rolling in his grave.

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