How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

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I went for a vasectomy the other day because I don't want to have any children

I don't think it worked though, because when I got home they were still there.

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A relationship with no trust is like having a phone with no service

You just play games.

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The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve time travellers in here"

A time traveller walks into a bar.

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50% of Christians say they will go to hell and back for Donald Trump

They're half right

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A man sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chilli.

The waitress says, "Sorry but the guy next to you ordered the last bowl." He looks over to the guy sitting next to him and sees that he has finished his meal, but the bowl of chilli is still full.

He asks the guy, "Are you going to eat that?" To which the guy replies, "No, help yourself." So he slides the bowl over and starts eating.

About halfway through he hits something. When he looks down he sees a dead mouse in the bowl and immediately pukes all the chilli back into the bowl.

The other guy leans over and says, "Yeah. That's about as far as I got, too."

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r/jokes has a discord and you need to join!

Over 10k members! Come see reposts in real time!

https://discord.gg/jokes

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