Motorist Attempts Driving Down A Stairway In Vancouver And Midway Through Realizes It Was A Very Bad Idea
What could go wrong?
July 21, 2019 at 04:44AM
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Chủ Nhật, 21 tháng 7, 2019
Motorist Attempts Driving Down A Stairway In Vancouver And Midway Through Realizes It Was A Very Bad Idea
Motorist Attempts Driving Down A Stairway In Vancouver And Midway Through Realizes It Was A Very Bad Idea
What could go wrong?
July 21, 2019 at 04:44AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2JQssBr
A man died one day and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you lie the hands on the clock will move."
"Oh," said the man as he pointed at one of them, "Whose clock is that?"
St. Peter replied, "That's George Washington's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie."
"That's incredible, " said the man.
St. Peter pointed to another clock, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life."
The man was impressed, and then asked, "Where's Donald Trump's clock?"
St. Peter said, "His clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier...
"Have you any two watt bulbs?"
"For what?"
"That’ll do, I'll take two."
"Two what?"
"I thought you didn’t have any."
"Any what?"
"Yes please!"
A guy takes this girl to prom...
So a guys wants to ask a girl to prom, and so he goes to a craft store to get all the promeposal supplies he needs. He waits a super long line and checks out at the desk. He gets home and makes an adorable poster for the girl. He then goes to get tickets for them and waits in another very very long line for tickets, he finally gets to the front of the line buys the tickets and goes to pick up his tux at the shop. He waits in another line to get his tux and goes home to get ready.
He picks up the girl and they take the limo to prom and wait on an excruciatingly long line to get in the doors. They’re having a great night and dancing away when the girl sees some friends she wants to say hello to and ask the guy to go get them some punch. He kisses her on the forehead and walks off to go get punch. When he gets over to the punch bowl he grabs some glasses and he realizes... theirs no punch line.
A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer
The Bartender says “that’ll be a dollar” The guy thinks “man, that’s cheap” but the beer turned out to be delicious. So he finishes his beer and decides to take a chance. “Bartender, I’ll have your finest wine” the bartender goes through a long process of showing the bottle, opening it, aerating the wine, and pouring it into a nice glass before saying “That’ll be 50 cents.” The guy can’t believe it, so he thinks “fuck it” and says “I’ll have a whole bottle of your best scotch.” The bartender hands it to him and says “here, on the house.” Curiosity finally gets the better of the guy so he asks “Ok, where’s the owner?” The bartender replies “upstairs with my wife.” The guy asks “what’s he doing upstairs with your wife?” And the bartender looks the man in the eye and replies “the same thing I’m doing to his business”
Thứ Bảy, 20 tháng 7, 2019
I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper.
She said that newspapers are old school and that no one reads them anymore, and proceeded to hand me her iPad.
That fly didn't stand a chance.
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