If it sinks, it’s a girl ant. If it floats, it’s buoyant
Thứ Tư, 24 tháng 7, 2019
I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.
recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time." So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty. "Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk. "Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time." So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that condom on?" she asked. I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her.
There is a man, he is dying in his bed in his home.
He smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the biscuits, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, "No, they are for the funeral."
When little Timmy went to school
And mastered one to nine,
He thought the other kids were cool,
And every class divine.
He painted shapes in red and blue,
And drew in curves and bends.
By the time the day was through,
He had made a hundred friends!
"I'm pals with Pete, and Mike, and Max!"
He told his dad with pride.
But Timmy's parents were anti-vaxxers,
And Timmy fucking died.
An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when...
The pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes.
Social Worker: I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support families in need of assistance.
The Social Worker grabs the nearest bag and plummets out of the aircraft.
Lawyer: I deserve to live because I advocate for my clients through my sharp wit and massive knowledge.
The lawyer grabs the second bag and plummets out of the aircraft.
Doctor: I deserve to live because i help diagnose ill people with my specialized training.
The doctor grabs the third bag and plummets out of the aircraft.
This leaves only the schoolboy and the old man in the plane with it descending toward the ground.
The Old Man: Go ahead boy. Take the last parachute. You have many years ahead of you while I am just an Old Man who is soon to die anyway.
Schoolboy: Thats ok Old Man we can both take a parachute. Look there are still two left
The Old Man’s eyes widen with surprise.
The Old Man: Wha...but how is this possible
Schoolboy: The lawyer with the sharp wit and massive knowledge took my school backpack.
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