But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.
Thứ Tư, 31 tháng 7, 2019
Thứ Ba, 30 tháng 7, 2019
I once dated a girl who had a twin.
People kept asking me how I could tell them apart. Easy.
Jill paints her nails purple. John has a dick.
An Admiral was visiting one of his ships. While having tea, he noticed that every biscuit had the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is very impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook, "When rolling the biscuits, I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven."
Admiral, "That's pretty unhygienic !!"
Cook, "In that case Sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts."
A man gets a new job.
On his first day, the boss gives him the basic description of his duties, and he says, "No problem, boss. I know just what to do."
And sure enough, he does. The boss is amazed to see that he intuitively knows every process, where everything goes, how everything works, what everyone does.
Every day that week, the man comes in and is incredibly productive. The boss is extremely pleased.
But on Friday, the phone rings. "Boss", says the man, "I'm sorry to say I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss replies, "Well, it happens. Go ahead and take the day and we'll charge it against your future sick leave."
The next week is more of the same, the man works like a maniac every day. The boss gives him more and more responsibilities, which he handles with no issues at all. That week the P and L shows an uptick in profits, which the boss attributes to the man's incredible energy and productivity.
But on Friday, the phone rings. "Boss", says the man, "I'm sorry to say I can't come in today. I'm sick."
Now the boss is a bit taken aback. But remembering what an amazing employee the man is, he says, "OK, go ahead and take the day, and we'll charge it against your future sick leave."
The third week is the same. The man has become the boss's number one employee and right-hand man. No problem is too difficult, the boss is starting to think that maybe he can retire and let the man run the business.
But on Friday, the phone rings. "Boss", says the man, "I'm sorry to say I can't come in today. I'm sick."
"Now just a second.", says the boss. "You are the most amazing employee I've ever had. But I can't let you keep calling in sick every Friday. Is there a problem? What's going on?"
"Well", says the man, "you see, my sister is going through a really nasty divorce. On Fridays I go to visit her, and she cries and I console her, and one thing leads to another, and we end up fucking all day."
The boss is shocked. "What? With your sister? That's... that's disgusting!"
"I know", says the man sadly. "I told you, I'm sick."
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