They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book
Thứ Tư, 31 tháng 7, 2019
A state trooper pulls over a farmer...
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said -- "Well yeah, if that's what they are -- I never heard of circle flies".
So the farmer says -- "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey... wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses back end?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses back end."
The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though.”
The other day a homeless man asked me for some change so I got my wallet out and realised I only had a £20 note
I thought to myself, "Do I really want this money being spent on drugs?"
I decided I didn't so I gave him the money
A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?'
She replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what?............
'A Rectum Stretcher!'
'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?' he asked.
'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge...
A priest, a rabbi, and a Baptist preacher were out fishing together
"We should all confess our sins," the priest suggests. "Give it a shot and see how it feels."
The three agree, and the Catholic goes goes first. "I'm an alcoholic. I drink till I black out every night."
"I love watching naked women on the internet," the rabbi confesses. "I just can't seem to stop."
The Baptist starts cracking up laughing, and the other two ask him what's so funny.
"Well my sin is I love to gossip," the Baptist said, "and I can't wait till we get back to shore."
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