I remember as a child my parents filling my head with nonsense such as the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy.

Now I dont believe in any of that made up rubbish, thank God.

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Husband: Babe, studies show that having sex is the same as running 10 kilometres

Wife: Bullshit, who runs 10 kilometres in 30 seconds?

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I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

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What did Master Yoda say when he first saw himself on Blu Ray?

HDMI

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Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?

Because it’s always too soon.

^{i feel bad}

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Never challange death to a pillow fight

Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.

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During the war, my Grandad faced pepper spray and mustard gas.

He's a seasoned veteran.

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