a pornstar entering a barber shop, sitting next to a nun

the nun is currently getting her hair done.. meanwhile the pornstar is talking dirty shit about how he would like to have sex with the nun the nun tries to ignore those words, when her hair is finished, she says she cant do such unspeakable things as a nun, an leaves the barber then tells the pornstar: every evening the nun is at the cemetry, praying to god. just cover yourself with some old bed sheet, tell her you are god and then she will do anything for you the pornstar prepares himself a sheet, cuts in holes for the eyes like those ghost costumes,...

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When one door closes, another one opens.

Other than that it's a pretty good car....

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I asked my wife why she married me.

She said “Because you are funny.” I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.” She said “See? You’re hilarious!”...

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I was thinking...

If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest? But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid napping....

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I rang work and I said "I can't come in today, I have a wee cough"

The boss said "You have a wee cough?" I said "Wow, thanks boss, see you next Wednesday!"...

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What do you call a fake koi fish?

A dekoi...

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When I canceled my gym membership,

I had to hand in my too weak notice...

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