A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender charges him 15 cents. Confused but not complaining, the man pays.

After a while, he decides to have another beer and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The bartender charges him 50 cents, 15 for the beer and 35 for the food.

After finishing his food and drink, he calls the bartender over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him." "No problem," says the bartender. "He's upstairs with my wife." "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man. "Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"

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How did the Pharoah get so rich?

He was running a huge pyramid scheme

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A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment...

The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.. My little Fifi is using that seat.."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up.
"Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

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I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.

I’ll let you know.

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Trump is nothing like Hitler

There’s no way he could write a book.

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A Catholic boy in confession says “bless me father,i have sinned,i masturbated while thinking of my sister”.

“That’s a disgrace”,said the Priest. “Especially when you have two gorgeous brothers “.

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I tell Dad jokes

Sometimes he laughs.

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