I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

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To my surprise, my girlfriend had some anal bleaching done.

All I asked was for her to change her ringtone.

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The sex system

A married couple wanted it to be less embarrassing to ask each other for sex when one or the other does not want to do it. So they worked out a system. The wife says "Ok if you wanna have sex reach over and tug my breast one time, if you don't, tug two times." The husband says "Ok then, same for me, if u wanna have sex reach over and tug my penis one time, if not just reach over and tug my penis 276 times"

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For a lion to become a cannibal

He must first swallow his pride

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The 3 wishes

Genie: I will grant you two wishes.

Guy: two? It’s always three, right?

Genie: look at your crotch.

Guy: Damn, that’s a huge dick that I have now.

Genie: I’ve been doing this for centuries. I know my business.

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I think it's funny that "forgive me father, for I have sinned" and "sorry Daddy, I've been naughty" don't mean the same thing at all

But somehow both lead to sex

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If Jesus was real they wouldn't call it the crucifixion...

They would call it crucifact.

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