I mean come on guys.
Thứ Tư, 21 tháng 8, 2019
My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.
Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and he loved to tell it every time I saw him. He knew quite a few others too, but this was always my favorite.
A man is out on a golf course, when he hears someone shout "FORE!"
He looks this way and that but doesn't see the ball, until WHACK! He shouts and curses and moans, holding both hands over his crotch.
"Oh, you poor thing!" a woman cries, running over to assist him. She gets on her knees and starts to rub his groin with her hands. "Is that better?"
He shakes his head, so she pulls his pants down and starts rubbing it in earnest. After a few minutes, she smiles and says, "That seemed to help a lot!"
"Oh, it was wonderful!" he says. "But the ball hit my thumb!"
Thứ Ba, 20 tháng 8, 2019
A foreign doctor opens a new clinic
A foreign doctor can't find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 42 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
Doctor: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 42 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Doctor: "Congrats! You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Doctor: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!"
Doctor: "Congrats! Your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
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