The first week was the hardest
Thứ Sáu, 23 tháng 8, 2019
A man doesn't feel well and wants to call-in sick to work...
So he phones his boss and explains that he wants to take a sick day.
"Well," says the boss, "when I'm feeling under the weather I just ask my wife to give me a blowjob. Usually perks me right up! Why don't you try that?"
"Ok, I guess it's worth a shot" says the man.
About an hour later the man arrives to work looking like he feels pretty good.
"See!" says the boss. "I told that would probably work!"
"Yup - I gotta admit, you were right! You have a beautiful home, by the way."
[NSFW] A guy is sunbathing on the beach wearing nothing but a hat over his dick.
A guy is sunbathing on the beach wearing nothing but a hat over his dick. A woman walks by and says: "If you were a gentleman you would lift your hat", to which the guy replies: "If you were pretty it would lift itself".
Note: I know it's not original but thought someone might enjoy it.
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while, the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”
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