Now it is just a beer
Chủ Nhật, 15 tháng 9, 2019
A German, a Japanese and an Italian are in jail and have one month left before their death sentence. The warden comes up to them and says : "I will grant freedom to whichever makes the best invention within a month!"
The three inmates are baffled and each determined to make it to freedom.
"I will need a lab and this list of materials and tools" Says the German, to which the warden replies : "Granted!"
"Give me three assistants and these things" Says the Japanese, as he hands over a list of various items, "Granted!" Says the warden.
"A dozen of whores, lots of booze and weed please!" Says the Italian, the warden is surprised, but decides to give him what he demands.
A month later, the warden comes back to check on the results of the convicts' work and starts with the German : "I've made a rocket that will travel to the moon, make a turn around it and come back to its exact takeoff position in less than one minute"
A live test ensues and the rocket makes it around the moon but lands 100 feet away from its initial position. Amazed, the warden says "We might have a winner here!"
"I've made a jet that travels at the speed of light, it will fly around the earth and come back to its exact takeoff position in less than a second" says the Japanese.
No one believed him at first, but he presses a button and sure enough the jet does fly around earth and lands 50 feet away from its starting position in a blink of an eye.
Everyone is astonished, "Impressive! You might have won this, but let's see what the Italian made before I make my judgement" Says the warden.
"I will now pee out of my belly button" Replies the confident Italian man. Everyone's jaw drops, and they wonder how he would do that.
The Italian proceeds to take his pants off, whip out his penis and pee like any other person would.
"But that's not your belly button!" Complains the confused warden.
"No it's not", says the Italian, "but you forgive the German for 100 feet, the Japanese for 50 feet, and you're complaining about less than 10 inches?!"
A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1".
The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?"
The Bartender reply's "$5". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place".
The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife".
The guy looks all confused then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?"
The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".
A dad is lost in the Dad Joke Hall of Fame...
He's looking around when he comes upon a hallway full of people. At the other end of the hallway he sees a boxer just knocking people out one at a time. So, he quickly pushes past all of the people and asks the boxer,
"Excuse me sir, is this the punchline?"
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