One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
Thứ Ba, 17 tháng 9, 2019
A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...
She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.
During the woman's time with him, the king fell hopelessly in love with her, as she was very beautiful. When it came time for her to leave to return to the United States, the king called her into his palace and spoke passionately to her via the interpreter.
"King Paolo begs you to remain here and be his wife. He will grant you any three requests within his power; whatever you ask will be yours."
Flattered but not desiring to remain in the Amazon forever, the woman decided to ask for impossible favors to avoid having to turn the king down and hurt his feelings. "Tell the king that I accept, but if he cannot fulfill my three requests, I must leave immediately. My first wish is for a 50-carat diamond engagement ring and 25-carat bracelets and necklaces to match."
When the request was relayed to him, the king nodded without hesitation and responded in primitive English: "Okay, okay! I buy, I buy!"
The woman frowned, not expecting the king to be able to fulfill the ask. She decided to make the next request truly impossible: "My second wish is to live in a home exactly like this one." She pulled up her phone and displayed a picture of a nine-figure Beverly Hills mansion with three pools, gatehouses, acres of perfectly landscaped property, indoor basketball courts and theatre rooms, the whole nine yards.
When the interpreter explained the request to the king, he waved his hand and nodded eagerly. "Okay, okay, I build! I build!"
He motioned to his nearby advisors, who immediately contacted the finest architects in Brazil to consult on the project. In exchange for several tons of gold, the architects designed an identical residence and brought in several construction companies to begin work immediately. They brought in solar panels and hydroelectric units to power the buildings. Paying triple the usual rate, the king had land cleared and construction completed within days. It was some real Extreme Makeover: Home Edition shit.
Dumbfounded and a bit concerned, as she still had no desire to remain in the rainforest for the rest of her life, the woman went before the king with her final request, determined to come up with something that no amount of money could provide. "Tell the king that the man I marry must have a penis that's 12 inches long."
Looking horrified, King Paolo arose from his throne and strode around the room muttering to himself, first angrily and then sadly. He seemed to be thinking desperately, searching for options. But finally, he shook his head sadly, and spoke in a tone of resignation: "Okay, okay. I cut. I cut."
Thứ Hai, 16 tháng 9, 2019
A bus full of ugly people had a head-on collision with a truck.
When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This went on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."
Two dictators are arguing about whose army is more obedient.
They walk to the edge of the cliff and call a soldier over. Putin commands his soldier to jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children."
Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier is about to jump when Putin grabs his arm and stops him.
The North Korean soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children."
The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…
Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!"
Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"
Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtably the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that. What about you autumn, what do you have to offer?"
Autumn ~ -leaves-
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