…Just follow my simple instructions: 1. Hold down the Shift Key 2. Press the number 4 four times.
It's that easy!
Thứ Bảy, 21 tháng 9, 2019
An english man, french, israeli, spanish and german are watching a street performance. The performer stands on a box and asks," Can you see me?"
The english answers" Yes"
The french answers"we"
The israeli answers "ken"
The spanish answers "si"
The german answers" ya"
Lately my husband has started pissing with the door open.
No modesty, no decorum. Pissing with the door open. Do you have any idea how disgusting that is when you're trying to drive.
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.....
She said "Nothing would make me happier than a pair of diamond earrings" so I got her nothing
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...
“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”
So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
A lost cat
FOUND A STARVING, DIRTY, SMELLY, SKINNY, AND MATTED KITTY...
Hubby and I felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.' The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come to get her.
My hubby (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
My hubby and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my hubby 'El-Cheap-O,' and my hubby calls the vet 'El-Charge-O.' They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another. It's a contest of who can get the better of the other.
The next day my hubby had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.
The Dr's waiting room and office was full of people waiting. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my hubby arrive.
He looked straight at my hubby and in a loud voice said,
'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose! Oh, and, by the way, she's pregnant! God only knows who the father is!'
THEN HE CLOSED THE DOOR.
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