How do snails fight?

They slug it out....

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What do you call a soldier who is nervous in battle and wields a long weapon?

Shakespeare...

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Donald Trump was asked what the J stood for in Donald J Trump

He said "Genius"...

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A man screams at his tv: “You fucking idiot don’t walk into that church!!”

His wife comes Into the room and asks him what his watching. The man responds: “Our wedding tape”...

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Next time your wife is angry, drape a towel over her shoulders....

... and say, now you're super angry. Maybe she laughs. Maybe you die....

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I told my wife I was gonna start smoking pot. She said if I did she'd leave me. I guess it's true what they say...

Marijuana truly is an effective way to get rid of aches and pains....

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I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159

Then it just CLIX....

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