A kid asks his mother why she has so many grey hairs...

The mother says "It's because you are so naughty."

The kid replies "Well, you must have been a right twat; have you seen grandma?!"

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Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

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Man to therapist : "I just fucked my fourth cousin."

Therapist : "Is that a problem for you?"

Man : "The problem is that I'm counting."

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Hagrid: "You're a unit of power Harry!"

Harry: "I'm a watt?"

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Genie: You have 3 wishes

...but no wish for more wishes, more genies, or more lamps, ha!

Me (being a smartass): I wish you were reaaaaally bad at counting.

Genie: Sure boy, you have zero wishes left.

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Passenger asked a flight attended “How often do planes crash?”

Flight attended “Just once.”

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Bro, you want this pamphlet?

Brochure

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