Funny Story

FunnyStory about animals and all around the world

Chủ Nhật, 29 tháng 9, 2019

Your duck is dead.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around...

Scientists annoy me, they’re always going on about Boyle’s Law and Archimedes’ Law.

One came up to me and said: “If you had an apple which experiences no net force, then its velocity is constant: the apple is either at rest, or it moves in a straight line with constant speed – Newton’s Law” So I said “Here’s one for you: If you have an apple, a carrot, a cabbage, mayonnaise and mix them all up together, it tastes really nice. – Coles Law.”...

Funny when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud...

But when a girl sleeps with a tons of guys, somehow I am not one of them...

I broke my finger last week,

On the other hand, I’m okay...

If you ask my son why he joined the Army he will proudly tell you he joined to military to kill people.

He's a terrible doctor....

An old man wanted to plant his annual tomato garden. His only son, Jack, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son:

"Dear Jack, I am pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Dad" A few days later, he received a letter from his son. "Dear Dad, Don't dig up that garden! That's where the bodies are buried. Love Jack" At 4 am next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Color of eyes? Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed. Sergeant: Color of hair? Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember. Sergeant: What was she wearing? Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly. Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in? Husband: She went in my Jeep. Sergeant:...