On a plane
Thứ Ba, 1 tháng 10, 2019
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday; he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”
I said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Sir, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land! No questions asked or answers given! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!”
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull…. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs, “Your badge, show him your badge!”
What is the WiFi password?
[Me at a bar]
Me: What is the wifi password?
Bartender: you have to buy a drink first
Me: okay, one Coke please.
Bartender: is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure.
Bartender: That will be $3.
Me: Okey then, what's the wifi password?
Bartender: you have to buy a drink first. No spaces and all lowercase.
3 jews are trying to escape Germany [OC I hope]
3 jews are trying to escape Germany during ww2, but they get lost and are unable to find the border.
While walking they see a gestapo officer.
"I'm going to ask him where the border is" says the first of the jews. The other 2 try to stop him but he won't listen and runs off to ask the officer.
The officer ends up stopping all 3 jews and interrogates them.
"Are all of you Jewish?" he asks
After some arguing they all say yes.
"Ashkenazi I assume?" he proceeds to say
"no sir" says the third jew, "only one of us is stupid enough to Ashkenazi anything."
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