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Thứ Sáu, 4 tháng 10, 2019

A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida...

And goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you're not in the mountains anymore, son." The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing

What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

Mother superior called an urgent meeting of all the 100 nuns in her convent

Mother Superior : Today I found a man's underwear behind the bush ..

99 nuns : Oh Jesus !!

One nun : teeheehee

Mother : Also I found a used condom

99 nuns : Oh Jesus!!

One nun : teeheehee..

Mother : ... And it was broken ...

One nun : Oh Jesus!!!

99 nuns : teeheehee!!

My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection....

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

Thứ Năm, 3 tháng 10, 2019

A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.

They walk up to God and asked to be married.

God says give me some time and I’ll get back to you. Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.

A few more years passes and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.

God responds “It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it’ll take me to find a lawyer?!”

What did the mermaid wear to her math class?

An algae bra.